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How to Speak to Yourself In Love

Be your own best Valentine. You are a power that can change the world

In my previous blog, "The Power of Words and Well-Being," I shared the power of words. They build up - they tear down - and they sustain. But are your words sustaining falsehoods?

Class Pessimist

When I was in high school I was voted "Class Pessimist" my senior year. People who know me now find that hard to believe. But I struggled for years (more like decades) with self-love. I internalized so much negativity that if anything went wrong, I was sure it was because of my failure somewhere. I felt it was my job for everything to be perfect for everyone and anything less just wasn't good enough or made me less lovable.

It's easy, so easy to fall into that trap - and I used to find it easy to wrap myself in the patchwork quilt of guilt. The quilt was well-worn and made up of squares of "all my fault," “self-pity," “unworthiness,” and broken pieces.

Our Happiness is Our Responsibility

Life got so much more enjoyable, once I discovered I was not the center of the universe, and others were responsible for their own happiness. Just as I learned that only I could empower myself to change my way of thinking, others have that same ability as well. This way of thinking helps me overcome obstacles with greater ease. - they become less like hardship and more like victory.

Be Curious about Yourself

One of the most valuable tools I learned was to trust that I was doing the best I could based on my current view of the world. It is my catalyst for changing my view. I did that with better self-talk.

I started to be more mindful of what I was thinking and curious to understand my view that triggered the negativity? Where did it come from? Was it someone else's words that I took on as a belief? Was it an incident I added meaning and gave power to? Was it real? Was it imagined? Was it true? Could I let it go? Fix it? Could I accept my imperfection and move on?

Be Objective with Yourself

Another thing I do is look up definitions of words. When someone says something that triggers an emotion, I look up the word. It has helped me create a more objective relationship with words. It takes the “me” out of the meaning and I can objectively decide true or not true and move on.

Just Stop it!

I have found negative talk rarely serves me – actually never. But I know from my experience it can be a difficult habit to break. I catch myself and say out loud, "STOP - JUST STOP. This is not serving me or anyone else." I then take a deep breath and mentally reframe the meaning of what I'm doing, or the triggering event and life just gets better.

Words to Change Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Taking a "mindful moment" helps me pause to activate my Brave Heart, which helps me shift my negative thinking to something more positive. It could be as simple as taking a deep breath in the moment. This is how I control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me. I use my own words to shift into acceptance and love. Love for myself, love for the lesson, and love for the ability to make this change in my “stinkin’ thinkin’. Here are some examples of what I might say to myself:

"I am worthy - I am enough"

“You are worthy – you are enough – you are unique – no one can do you.”

“You change the world with the things you do and the things you choose not to do – and the things you say and the things you choose not to say.”

Be Positively YOU

Here is some positive 'thinkin' to help you treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve:

  • Believe in yourself as the unique individual you are – no one can do you like you!

  • Say the best about you to YOU – use words to build you up

  • Be compassionate and forgiving for yourself.

  • Empower yourself to love yourself.

  • Trust you are doing the best you can in the moment

How to Positively Love You - Step into the Now

Here are some ways to help you activate your Brave Heart, so you can love yourself in every moment of your life.

  • Practice mindfulness – moments of meditation.

  • Be present with each person and situation you encounter.

  • Avoid living in the past, such as dwelling on something you could have done differently. It's exhausting and and stopping you from living fully in the now.

  • Beware of living in the future - anticipating conversations, experiences, or life changes. This creates anxiety and takes away your energy for the present.

Be Your Own Best Valentine!


Author, Charlotte Rose, is the founder/owner of ahhhMazing Life Yoga & Wellness and the newest partner of Live Free Yoga. Her yoga journey started over 20 years ago, and she’s been teaching for more than 13 years. Her journey started out as an adventure in self discovery but has evolved into a practice guiding others to self discovery, and healing in body, mind and spirit. To find peace in the moment... to live the best for the rest. She is also an IIN nutritionist, REIKI Master, Life & Wellness Coach, QiGong Level 1 Teacher and continues to train in many areas of energy, breath, movement, and trauma recovery through meditation & movement.


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